- SENSATIONAL: Colin Jost leaves the audience ‘gasping’ with a ‘vicious’ roast of Kristi Noem’s $220m ‘cowgirl’ disaster—claiming her horse was named Corey Lewandowski!
- SHOCKING: Michael Che exposes the ‘dark’ reality of Trump’s new cabinet as RFK Jr. is compared to a ‘Walton Goggins in an air-fryer’ during a ‘harrowing’ Dunkin’ Donuts feud.
- UNFILTERED: The ‘raucous’ duo tackles the ‘miraculous’ U.S. strikes on Iran, jokingly appointing ‘Ayatollah Jared Kushnari’ to lead the regime change from a ‘farm upstate.’
It was the news cycle from ‘purgatory’—and Saturday Night Live was ready to set it ablaze.
In a ‘rafter-raising’ edition of Weekend Update, anchors Colin Jost and Michael Che delivered a ‘spine-tingling’ breakdown of a week that saw the world ‘reeling’ from high-stakes military strikes and ‘shameful’ celebrity depositions. While the globe watched the ‘harrowing’ fallout of the U.S. assault on Iran, the Update desk found a way to turn ‘total war’ into ‘pure’ comedic gold.
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The ‘Toy Story’ Firing
The ‘mayhem’ began with the ‘blockbuster’ firing of Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem. Jost, 43, ‘savagely’ mocked Noem’s $220 million taxpayer-funded ad campaign, where she appeared dressed as a ‘cowgirl’ on a horse.
“I bet his name is Corey Lewandowski,” Jost joked, referring to the ‘scandalous’ headlines surrounding the former Governor, before branding her the “worst member of Trump’s cabinet”—a feat he claimed made even Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs feel uncomfortable.
The ‘Ayatollah’ Kushner Era
The ‘unfiltered’ coverage reached a fever pitch as the anchors addressed the ‘shocking’ death of Iran’s Supreme Leader, Ali Khamenei.
In a ‘jaw-dropping’ twist, Che suggested that Donald Trump had already found a replacement: “Ayatollah Jared Kushnari.” The ‘raucous’ audience roared as the anchors mocked the idea of a “Special Envoy for the Shield of the Americas” located on a “farm upstate”—the classic euphemism for a place where ‘problematic’ figures are sent to disappear.
WEEKEND UPDATE: THE ‘SHAMEFUL’ HEADLINES
HILLARY CLINTON: Her ‘explosive’ testimony on the Jeffrey Epstein files left Che ‘reeling’—as Jost pointed out the investigation should have known something was up when the ranch was “all ponies.”
RFK JR.: Described as looking like Walton Goggins in an air-fryer; currently challenging Ben Affleck to a Dunkin’ Donuts push-up contest.
TRUMP’S RASH: A ‘harrowing’ mystery on the President’s neck was attributed to his shirt being accidentally washed in “holy water.”
SMOOTHIE KING: Two employees were ‘hailed’ as heroes by some after refusing to serve a man in a Trump hoodie, with Che asking: “What happened to just serving it with spit in it?”
‘Cheek Splitter’ Chaos
Social media was set ‘ablaze’ by a segment on Japan Airlines, which allegedly features a “cheek-splitter wedge” in its seat cushions—a term Che noted was also the Japanese title for the film Heated Rivalry.
The ‘chaotic’ energy didn’t stop there, with Jost nearly ‘breaking’ during a report about a Kentucky man caught in a ‘vile’ act with a deer. “Worse,” Jost deadpanned to a ‘gasping’ crowd, “it wasn’t dead when he started.”
As the show transitioned into the ‘divine’ mayhem of Pastor Update, the internet was already ‘deluged’ with clips of the ‘unforgettable’ night. Fans on X (formerly Twitter) branded it the “most ‘violent’ roast of 2026,” with one gushing: “Jost and Che are ‘legends’—nobody else could make a global war this ‘hilarious’!”
What do you think? Did SNL go too far with the ‘Ayatollah Kushnari’ jokes? Or was Kristi Noem’s ‘Toy Story’ ad the real tragedy? Let us know in the comments!
